The Best Kept Secret

Written by Kelly

In honor of Valentine's Day this week we decided we would each write about the experience of receiving love.  Feeling loved does not look the same for every person.  It is not always displayed in the same way.  And yet some expressions of love touch us so deeply we are forever changed.  

This year David and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  It has been a long road since that Saturday afternoon all those years ago when we stood before our family and friends and made sacred vows before God to love, honor and cherish one another until death do us part.  

Once entering this covenant, I discovered a dirty little secret about marriage that you don't always take time to consider while busily planning your wedding. Wanna know what that secret is?

Marriage brings out all those dark ugly places of ourselves that we can successfully keep hidden during the exciting period of dating.  During the months of discovery and falling in love we all work very hard to put our best self on display.  We primp for dates, try new hobbies, and do our best to be in a cheerful mood at any given moment.  

But once we say those two little words, "I do," something changes.  Little by little the veil lifts and our real selves begin to emerge.  What is mine belongs to another now and the whole idea of personal space goes out the window because everything is now shared with another.  

The not-so-pretty faces of selfishness, unforgiveness, a hot temper are revealed.  All those places hidden inside of ourselves take center stage.  I find that some days I don't even like myself.  

And yet, over the years something profound has happened.  Despite all of my flaws and wretchedness I have looked into the eyes of my beloved David and found that I am not met with contempt or disgust, as I would expect.  Instead, he looks at me full of love.  

His forgiveness knows no end.

His commitment to me stands firm.

His words to me are "I'm not going anywhere."

I long ago expected him to run for the hills when he witnessed firsthand what I call my "crazy".  

But with each passing day his love grows more deep because he is not loving the false persona that I display.  Instead he is choosing to love the real me.  The one that is full of junk and eaten up with sin.  He has seen me at my most despicable and loved me in the midst of it.

It overwhelms me to receive this kind of love.

It has changed me.  Is changing me.

It points me to my first real Love.  It gives me a glimpse into the mystery of the gospel.  It has taught me about a neverending, never giving up, always and forever Love.  

This love is marriage's best kept secret.