Rest

Written by Erin

I have a thousand lists and they are everywhere. 

There is a list on my computer and another ten in the notes sections of my iPhone and one more I just created in the Evernote app I downloaded in another fleeting attempt to organize my life. 

I confess I’ve always wanted to be organized. I secretly envy those who have a list and actually check things off by the end of the day. Usually by the end of my day, I’ve added 10 more things that have to be done and not completed any that were there previously. 

I’m not linear. I’m scatterbrained, messy, creative and spontaneous and I'm kind of tired of trying to fit into this phantom ideal of a woman I’ve created in my mind. 

I want to rest. 

The past few years brought tragedy and relational hardship that I never really bargained for or thought possible. A deep questioning of who I am follows me and, as I heal, I yearn to draw near to the One who can still, strengthen and quiet my soul. To find rest for my soul, I must be near to the One who gives me rest both now and forever. 

In 2013, I hope to take more time to be with the Lover of my soul. I hope to have time to walk with Him and talk with Him and sing to Him and be nourished by His Word in a way that gives my soul a sense of deep belonging. I long to believe in a deeper, more penetrating way that Jesus’ work makes me okay regardless of criticism from others or my own insecurity. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be organized or detailed or “together”, but I long with Saint Augustine who wrote these words, 

“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”