Happy Birthday

written by Laura

Here is a letter I wrote to my son last night on the eve of his 5th birthday.

Dear Little Man,

I just put you to bed for the last time as a four year old. I was trying to have this sweet sentimental moment and rock you and sing to you before bed, but you weren't having it. You're legs were hanging way off my lap and you just had the wiggles.

On your birthdays, I can't help but reflect on how far you've come and where God has rescued you from. I think of these things all the time, but it especially hits home for me near "big" days like your birthday or "gotcha" day.

I cannot imagine my life without you in it, little buddy. You bring me so much joy and life. 

I do believe that God is sovereign, and He made us a family. I am just so thankful that He did, and that he called us to step out in faith to begin the adoption process long before we ever saw your little precious face from that first picture. 

I think about every little decision and circumstance that God orchestrated to bring us together. Each of us went through some very painful things for God to put us into the place where he could bring us together. Our family is truly a living picture of Him bringing beauty from ashes. Gladness from mourning. Peace from despair.

You make me laugh everyday. You have a great sense of humor. You say the funniest things and ask the best questions (about everything!).  Like recently, during a super sophisticated talk (during sickness) about boogers I explained that they "catch" germs in the air so that they don't get into our bodies. After my very scientific explanation, you looked a little afraid and asked, "do boogers have hands?!" Because I had said that they "catch" germs and your little bionic ears are always listening.

You're the only kid I know that loves to watch YouTube videos about scientific things like how the chambers of the heart work. You like to watch them so much that we actually use them as motivation for you to do things that we have asked you to do.

You love people. Like REALLY love them. You are very affectionate with those you are close with and are always looking out for someone who is hurting or left out. Just this week at gymnastics, there was a new boy who was afraid to join in. I watched you leave the group and walk over to where he was sitting and reach your hand out to him, inviting him to come and play.

You hate any sort of doctor visit (can't say I blame you, you have had so many) but I love to see how you have really faced your fears and now you are so brave. I can tell you are still nervous (because you chatter at an above average speed and ask the same questions over and over) but when whatever procedure is through, you are quick to forgive and happy as can be immediately (coincidentally as we are walking to get your stickers).

You love food. You will try just about anything, but your flavor of the year is peanut butter and honey sandwiches, I think you would eat them for every meal if I would let you. The other day I had made a smoothie with lots of kale that I was kind of trying to choke down. I asked if you wanted a sip (sneaky Mama) and you acted like it was a milkshake (even though it was bright green) and finished it off.

Your favorite show is by far Mr. Roger's Neighborhood (thanks Amazon instant streaming). We have watched almost every episode from every season, due to about a month (cumulative) of sickness, since January. It was always one of my favorites too, and I still love to watch the part where they show a video of how crayons, graham crackers, or guitars are made.

Your favorite toy is still a flashlight. The other night after you were in bed it was storming pretty badly and the house was shaking with thunder and wind, but I knew that if the power went out that there would be no problems because I could spot 3 of your flashlights from my perch on the couch. Even tonight, Dotty gave you a new flashlight for your birthday and you were enamored all over again.

You have a gift and love for music. Your music teacher at school said that you are the most musically gifted student that she has ever taught. We are planning on getting you into some music classes this fall.  You love to sing and have a great voice. Your favorite song to sing is "10, 000 reasons" by Matt Redman. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, ooooooooo my soul..." And Jesus loves me is a perennial favorite.

You have the gift of encouraging people and are often speaking words of encouragement to me or anyone around you. You make people feel valued. You chat up the cashier at Target and make her smile or tell someone "thank you" for doing a menial task that they probably don't get a lot of thanks for.

You are so imaginative in the ways you play with your toys. You can make anything into a musical instrument. And for awhile earlier this year, you made everything into a vacuum. I love to just watch you play. I am always amazed at the scenarios that you come up with.

This year for your birthday you are getting (good thing you don't read this blog) : a guitar, a "real" junior golf club (a putter- figured that was safest), a wooden marble run, and a swing for the backyard.

We aren't having a party this year. It was too much for me to organize with us just moving, but we have planned a day just for you. (We did this same thing last year, as we had also just moved haha, and you loved it.) We are planning to spend the whole day just you, me and Daddy. We are going to let you pick where you would like to eat and what you would like to do. One thing that we have already planned is a trip to see Mr. Chad and get a tour of the fire station. And, I am sure that at least one meal will be eaten at Chick-fil-a if you have anything to say about it.

It has been so fun to see how much you've grown this year. I am so proud to be your Mama.

I will always carry some sadness that I did not get to have your first year and a half with you. I prayed for you, and I moved forward in faith to bring you home, but I didn't get to hold you. It is a hurt that I will probably always feel. To me it is just another reminder that the world that we live in is sinful and broken and not "as it should be". But, the joy of having you as my son now is as the light of the sun at dawn overpowering the darkness of those "lost" months.

I know that God has big things in store for you Little Man. He literally rescued you. Not because you "deserved it" more than any of those 100 children in your baby home, but because of His lavish grace in your life and our lives. You were without hope, and he gave you a hope and a future. He redeemed your life from the pit (I saw that place with my eyes, it was a pit)  and crowned you with loving kindness. 

I pray that you will know God through Christ. That you will comprehend how wide, and long, and high, and deep is the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. I pray that it you would love others as an overflow, that you would seek to help others find redemption and hope.

God is using you in my life everyday to show me my sin (as you are like a little mirror of everything that I say and do- not always a good thing), but also to show me His great love for me as a daughter. You are a living, breathing picture of the gospel at my kitchen table.  

You have such a beautiful story that I pray would display God's glory for the world to see.

I am so thankful you're mine. Happy Happy 5th Birthday! 

All my love,
Mama