Love ruined my life (Part 3)

written by Laura

I had only planned to have two parts to this story initially, but then I thought it would be interesting to hear it from Dasha's perspective so I asked her to write it out. I had to split hers into two posts as well, so the conclusion will be next week.

I actually did not even know all of the details in this story until I received it from Dasha today.  

Her friendship is truly a treasure to me. 

This is truly a story that only God could write. 

Here is the story in her words...

So while you know Laura and her part of the story I would like to share mine. 

I would only want to do this to know how GRACIOUS and MERCIFUL THE LORD is.

I will start with the moment I met Laura. It was actually inside "Chicken" (SFC) fast food restaurant. It was the first day I decided to go after our Speak Out English classes. See, other days I had to go back home to do my homework, I was a 1st year student at the University and it took me 5 hours on average to complete the assignments the teachers gave me. 

I did not have spare money, but that day I "risked my life" and not only took money from mom to pay for food (I didn't have my own) but decided to ditch my homework as well.

So, I came to Chicken with my American teachers and some friends. We were sitting with them at the table and then there was this special something that happened and I believe it was totally from the Lord.

When I turned my head and saw light shining from a person ( if you've seen action movies,and boy they are fast and dynamic but then they show some important moments in slow motion- so that's how it was for me).  And, it was as if I was made to stand up and come up to Laura and introduce myself (side note: never ever EVER in my life had I done that before! I was so shy and uncertain to the point that when I was walking in the street I always looked down because I thought people were looking at me and judging). But some unknown force made me come up and introduce myself.

So next day Laura and I met up again with a couple of my friends.We chatted in the hotel room followed by a country dance party at night where we learned to line dance. 

I was crazy but I came to say goodbye the following morning, right before the taxi came to pick the team up from the hotel. 

I have a picture of me and Laura that Landon took. She left me a note saying something like" It was so good to meet you. See you soon. John 3:16"

Now, trying to be a good student I memorized all the standard questions and one the first ones I asked Laura were about her name and last name, and I knew her last name wasn't John.

Now I was really confused, John 3:16, John and some numbers.... I was wondering you know, as you would exclaim now: how in the world did you not know the most quoted verse from the Bible?!? 

And I would respond, you are not from Russia. People here have been told for over 70 years that there's NO God at all. They were forced to believe in the power of  "great leaders" of Lenin and Stalin and the power of labor ( meaning working diligently). 

Though it seems like a good motive for people there was no hope, the believers in God were persecuted and sent to GULAG camps destined to die with no hope of escape. In fact the most commonly quoted phrase was " To study.To study.To study" So you could imagine why I did not understand what the John 3:16 meant.

We emailed back and forth all summer and Laura told me she was coming to Perm for a year! 

I was so excited, but at that point, my English was no more than basic level. God focused my attention on His daughter, and I thought I was just really longing for attention and love and friendship, true friendship.

You see all my life I have been searching for parents. Don't get me wrong, both of them are alive, but what I mean was that I was so longing to have someone in my life who would LOVE unconditionally, care, listen, look at me, actually verbalize those 3 most wanted words "I LOVE YOU" like somebody MEANS it. Who would rejoice with me, and even if I fail, help me up and encourage me. Someone to believe in me, invest in me, spend quality time, assure me that no matter the looks I am precious and was not born to live in depression for my short 17 years of life.

So, here is the graphic and too personal part of my life that will make me vulnerable in front of you (people I have never met in my life). 

And though exposing my heart would mean that I can get hurt for the one millionth time, I would still share because this is not my story. It is the story that my precious, loving, caring Jesus is still writing. 

Not one person on Earth and even the whole Universe knew how much I needed to be rescued from the darkness so quickly filling my life and my soul except Jesus.

My father screwed up in his life way too much, my mom was his 3rd legal wife and I was his 3rd child and then there was my younger brother. So when I was 5 years old my mom divorced my dad (I found that out later). 

When I think about my childhood, I remember "teaching" my little brother crawling, playing in the field of dandelions, my uncle giving us toys ( never remember my dad giving us something like this). 

But I also remember my dad yelling at my mom, him taking the ax to scare mom and cutting through some fabric of my couch. I remember my dad getting mad at me for doing something "wrong" or just disobeying but I was trying to run away and locked myself in the bathroom. Then, my Dad tore the lock off the door, so you can imagine, all these memories are engraved in my head forever.

My mom was trying to make ends meet after the divorce. My dad was angry at my mom for "separating" our family though he was cheating on my mom. He decided to find the lowest paying job so the government would subtract less money out of his salary, so it meant less money being paid to my mom for raising "her" children.

As a result she was never home, I was left alone to myself a lot. I was striving to become friends with my mom, but she was just exhausted. As for me, I didn't want to study and often came home with bad
grades and my mom would spank me (with a HUGE WIDE leather belt). Oh that hurt! 

What hurt me most of all was not having the attention and love of my mom. She was so desperately trying to provide for us, but could afford to buy milk only once a week and fruit only for New Years.

It wasn't the best time for the country I was born in, the Soviet Union fell and so did our economy.

But then how sweet was the Redemption, breaking every chain I was bonded in, once I knew that SOMEONE greater than all people who have lived on the face of Earth combined, LOVED me long before I was born:

Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; 
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; 
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, 
and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? 
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
the night will shine like the day, 
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.